oh fuck me.

i just found a video of yoshi i didn’t know existed and ow my heart.

army-of-fuzzbutts:

Considering all the nicknames I have for them, they would all have issues if they could understand lol

Acheron- Akribos, Fat Head, Fatty

Fury- Fuwwybutt

Mikhail- Mikkymoo, Micky Mouse

Tomio- Mister Chewy Butt, Mister Nommer, TomTom

God knows what I will come up with for the new lot. 

SERIOUSLY.

Mine are stupid as hell.

Abu - Boo-boo, Boobie, sometimes even just Boob. Then there’s princess Abubu. And everyone in my house replies Ababua!

Hiccup - Hickers, Hickey, Upchuck.

Baloo - Blooper.

Sirius - Sometimes I talk to Sirius as though he’s Siri. Like “Siri, remind me to call my Mother back.” He just blinks at me, because he isn’t a smartphone, and I tell him because I know he WON’T remind me to call my Mom back.

Will - Willy, Willi-um, Billius Weasley.

Sora - Sorabora, The Chosen One.

Godric - I always say it in Sookie’s yelling voice. That, or I start going ‘Fater, Bruter, Son.’

I used to call Yoshi - Yosher, Yosheroo, Yoshbutt.

and Roo - Ruby, Rhubarb, Rubix Cube.

All my rats are like.

I love you all soo soooo much.

I don’t know what I would do without you guys. 

This is the first rat obituary I’ve ever written, and I’m not really sure how it’s supposed to go. I was way too emotional to write one for Roo when she died, which I know is wrong, but I think I’ve compensated enough since then. Yoshi definitely deserves one, though, even though this is seriously SO hard. I guess I’ll just wing it.

Yoshi was my first rat and honestly the love of my life. He changed my view on everything. He became my anchor to life, my main priority, and my rock. As silly as it sounds, he saved me. 

I got Yoshi on a whim a month after my 18th birthday. I had bought my hamster, Slightly, a few weeks before in my excitement that I could legally buy my own animals. I’d always wanted my own small pets, but my Mom never let me have anything but fish and hermit crabs. Our family pets, cats and our one dog, were important pets of course, but I really wanted a companion to call mine. 

I’d thought rats were interesting for a while. I’d seen a few people with them as pets. A few weeks prior some friends even brought theirs to school and I thought they were really cool. I was so into the idea that they would just hang out with you. At the pet store, I debated for quite a while, and after a push from my friends, I bought Yoshi.

I was so lost at first. I was so worried about doing everything right with him and I didn’t know much about rats. For the first 2 weeks I had him, I was too afraid to pick him up. I know, it sounds stupid, but he was a LARGE rat when I got him, almost full grown. Mind you, he was 1.5 lbs full grown, so he was really big. I was afraid of getting bit, and I was also afraid of hurting him either by picking him up or by chickening out and dropping him. Once when I was switching him to a bigger cage, I made him so nervous by trying to herd him into it without picking him up that he lunged at me and bit me. I’ve always felt so guilty about it, and I’ve apologized to him endlessly for my stupidity.

I had to bring him back to Petsmart, in his cage, and have the girl who sold him to me show my how to pick him up. Imagine my surprise when she just picked him right up and put him on my shoulder. I was so happy, I cried. I was kind of odd, I know. 

So after that, I got to know Yoshi slowly. It turned out that once I wasn’t afraid of him, he was totally at ease and the coolest thing I had ever come in contact with. He was so great. The sweetest and smartest thing. He had all the good qualities I’ve now come to know rats could have. It’s like, if I took my favorite thing about all eight of my other rats and put them together, I would get Yoshi. He had Abu’s love for adventure, Roo’s enthusiasm, Sirius’s looks, Hiccup’s size, Baloo’s strength, Will’s energy, Sora’s love to give kisses, and Godric’s playfulness. We would play games and I would tickle him and he was so good on my shoulder. I brought him everywhere and I fell in love. Absolutely head over heels.

I ended up buying eight more rats in Yoshi’s lifetime because Yoshi was so great. I neutered him so he could live with Abu, the second rat I purchased as a baby on a total whim when I saw her in a feeder bin at Debby’s Pet Land. She was probably only four weeks old, she was so tiny. He remained exactly the same after his surgery, still just as active and playful, which I was really happy about.

Yoshi’s always been that one rat that I’ve been really connected with. It wasn’t just because he was my first. It was like he understood me and really cared about me. I’m sure I sound beyond crazy, but he’s just always been so important to me. Kind of like that one person in your life that you revere as some kind of divine being, such as a wise grandfather or a mentor. He’s always seemed omnipotent and untouchable, like he would be immortal. 

I was wrong, of course. Late this summer he started showing pituitary signs. He got aggressive one day toward his cage mates and me (which never happened) and had a bulging eye. I was immediately researching, doing everything I could, paying for every test I knew existed and trying my best to figure out how to help him. After the vets and I ruled everything else out, we started him on prednisone. It helped so much, and for a while he returned to himself. The tumor didn’t stop, of course. By the end he’d lost a lot of weight and had a serious head tilt and motor issues, even scattered seizures, but the prednisone really let me have my Yoshi back so I could appreciate the time he had left. Knowing his days were numbered really let me spoil him and make sure he knew how much I cared about him. I got Yoshi (from mario, not an image of the rat) tattooed on my ankle so he would always be with me. 

There really aren’t words to describe my love for this rat. He absolutely completed me.

 You can say your rat is the best, but nobody holds a candle to my Yoshi. I will go to my grave swearing he was the best rat to ever live. I know I’m biased, but that’s how in love with him I was and still am.

He had started to get weaker and lose more weight recently. Though I was dreading it, I was planning on having him put down Monday so he wouldn’t suffer. I got home from a long day spent with my family on Sunday night, and found him hunched over in his cage. His breathing was shallow and he wasn’t very responsive, and I knew he was dying. 

I dropped everything, started sobbing like a damn baby even though I knew it was coming and was going to bring him the next day. I held him for hours, and around midnight I tucked him into a little bed I have for him, wrapped in fleece, and laid it right beside my pillow, so we were touching noses. I fell asleep until two thirty and checked him, and he had pushed himself out of the bed and was laying tucked slightly under the pillow right by my head, but he was still alive. I picked him up and held him a little longer, telling him how much I loved him, how he had ruined me for other rats, and thanked him for everything he did for me. I apologized for not bringing him sooner to be put down, and for not being able to save him, and for everything I ever did wrong to him. Specifically for the time he was in a car accident with me and Zack. That was so awful, he didn’t trust me for weeks, he was so scared. 

I told him not to hang on for me anymore, to find Riley and Roo across the rainbow bridge, that I was so thankful to have the time with him that I did (pituitary tumors usually strike really fast - having that long with him was a miracle), and fell asleep telling him I loved him, kissing him, getting my snot and tears all over him. He was peaceful, his eyes barely open as he lay next to me. I woke back up at five am and he was gone. He was in the exact same position, sleeping peacefully, which made me feel so much better. I was so worried he would seize to death, but he just slipped away.

I very calmly checked him, gave him a kiss, and cried so much I thought I would run dry.  I then proceeded to lose my mind for about ten minutes. I literally lost my mind - I don’t think I could ever explain in words what happened in my head, but it was scary. 

Then I got up, moved his bed over to the table where the fish tank is, and tried to fall back asleep, which I did do eventually. Then I woke up again and realized I hadn’t been dreaming, and I’ve been crying on and off since then.

I was so lucky to have had months to prepare myself for this because if I hadn’t, I don’t think I would have come back from my brief moment of insanity. Honestly. I don’t know how I would have done it. It’s still impossibly hard now, and I knew it was coming.

Owning rats, Yoshi specifically, has made me want to own my own rat rescue. I’m not sure if it will happen, but that one rat changed my life drastically. My rats are now one of the biggest parts of my life. So I definitely owe him that.

I feel like I’ve lost my son. My best friend. I only knew him for a year and ten months, but it feels like I knew him my entire life. We just fit together so perfectly, and we understood each other so fully. He was my number one priority for almost two years, and now I feel like my life line’s been cut. What’s holding me here now?

Obviously there are other things. I’m not saying I have nothing else in my life. I have a lot in my life. There was just something so grounding about Yoshi, and I don’t think I’ll ever get that feeling back. The floor has fallen under my feet, and getting a grip on ground again is going to be really hard, but I’m trying.

Yoshi, you were the best rat and I’m so sad without you. All I want to do is snuggle you and kiss you and play with you again. A healthy you. I hope you’re happy wherever you are. I would give my life to ensure that you would be happy and healthy. I’ve never loved someone like I loved you. What rats do you know that touch their humans so much they get them inked on their ankle? Not many, buddy. You must have been pretty damn special. I hope there is an endless supply of cardboard boxes, pirate ships, scrambled eggs, and pretty girl rats wherever you are. Be nice to Roo, she really loves you. Tell her I miss her so much. 

Promise me you’ll be there when I cross the rainbow bridge. It’ll be you and Riley that I look for first. 
I really don’t want to say goodbye, because that means you’re really gone. I have to at least try to hold on to my sanity. A world without you in it makes no sense to me. So I’ll just say see you soon. Take care of yourself. There’s someone down on Earth who’s missing you every minute.

I love you, baby boy.

Forever and ever and then some more,

Momma

He’s gone. It literally feels like the floor just fell beneath my feet. I don’t know how to function without Yoshi. Even though I had months to prepare for this, I wasn’t ready. Nobody ever is, but there’s a scream trapped in my throat so loud…I might lose my mind.

Sweet Yoshi, the world is so dim without you. I’m so sorry I failed you. Say hi to Roo and Riley for me. We’ll meet again, and I owe you heaps of scrambled eggs when we do. Please, please be at peace. I’ll never stop loving you and you’ll always be with me. What other rats do you know that meant so much to their human friends that they got a tattoo for them? You’re a special guy, Yoshi.

Thanks for all of your messages. I really love you guys and I appreciate it so much. At least he was peaceful.

He’s barely breathing and feels really cold.

Shit. I should have brought him last week.

Send good thoughts to my baby, please.